Climbing out of the pit

This pit sucks. Fair warning, if you can't handle frank and possible offensive rants at God, then stop reading now. I'm a rock chuckin' sort of mood and guess who my target is?

This week, I had surgery to have our blessed little boy removed from my body. Since then, I've developed some infections that are driving me nuts, and am on enough drugs to start my own pharmacy. The only thing I'm missing at this point, God, are some boils. Bring 'em on.

Because here's the thing - as pissed off as I am right now, YOU'RE still God and I'm still Holli. Holli, you know the woman who has submitted her life wholly to Your will? The woman who left everything and everyone she knew and loved in Augusta GA and came to Cincinnati with $1000 in her pocket because you said, "Go." The girl who endured unbelievable amounts of trauma as a child, but still chose You. No offense Lord, but I get the feeling You don't even know who I am sometimes. And sometimes, that's ok. But when I need You, and it sure feels like You're not there, then no, we ain't ok. We are so far from ok that we're not even in the same stratosphere.

I'm sick and tired of being sick. I'm fed up with you knocking me up only to take my babies from me. I'm tired of having chronic infections that eat holes in my body. Seriously? I am sick of losing people I love to CANCER. Isn't it about time You did something about that shit? I am so done watching "men of GOD-uh" molest people into miracles and signs and wonders that aren't real. I'm pissed off that my husband and I strive to live a life that places us exactly in the middle of Your will, and no matter how obedient we are, big balls of poop keep rolling down the hill onto us. My husband is a good man, struggling to provide for his family, and he looses his job. You couldn't have done something about that?

Frankly God - it sure feels a lot safer right down here in the pit. I mean, short of a cave in, what else are You gonna drop on me that's going to somehow irrevocably change me?

Oh ha haa.  A rope. Gee thanks God. Just when I needed a laugh.