For the last several months, I've been dealing with my own issues of belonging. I am in many ways an "orphan" and in some very different ways absolutely not an orphan. My father (whoever he is actually is) is absent in my life, and my mother has done her damned level best to isolate me from people who actually love(d) me, as well as hammer home the belief that I don't deserve that love. I've spent much of my adult life in "survivor" mode - trying to learn what healthy relationships actually look like, and how to have them.
I am such a lucky woman to have been married to such a good and patient man for nearly 18 years. But despite the commonly held mis-belief, our spouses aren't all we need. I find that people who make such broad statements are the ones who have other, healthy relationships, as well as a good foundation for relationship from their parent, and thus they really don't have a measurement for such a statement. People were created for relationship - God said so in the very beginning.
Specifically, I'm drawn to a concept some fringe Christians refer to as a "spirit of adoption." In the simplest definition, this is a heart condition. A person finds themselves so attuned to the adoptive nature of God the Father that they themselves enter into a covenant relationship with people who share no genetic relation. It's a radical notion. . .and one that isn't well understood by many. There are varying degrees of this mindset - everything from the inclusion of non birth children in family events to the people who actually legally adopt the "kids" they've invested their love into.
People might wonder why an adult would want to have a "new" or "spiritual" parental relationship with someone. The reasons can be varied, but the root is pretty much the same across the board. It's b/c something was lacking during the formative years. The sense of not belonging to is unimaginable to most people - unless you're that person. Not having an identity can cause you to develop multiple identities - none of which are the real you. Not experiencing the unconditional love of a parent creates serious issues when you become one yourself. When you are chosen by someone. . .when who you are is finally good enough. . .when no matter what you do, they love you anyway. . .it doesn't matter what your age, those experiences are so incredibly life giving.
Reading about the love of Jonathan and David, as well as John and Jesus and later John and Mary, I'm reminded that God's plan for salvation and redemption is underwritten by a foundation of adoption. We are grafted into Him - born separate, and at the time of our choosing, the Vine Husband (God) carefully cuts away and exposes our growth centers, and grafts us into Him. There's never been any other way. . .and in fact we are considered to be joint heirs by Jesus Himself, not only by the Father. Jesus - the Son who has no problem sharing His inheritance or His sonship with someone like me.
Blessed doesn't begin to describe the incredible experience I've had over the last couple of years with my spiritual family. I am blown away by the generosity of the real kids who have welcomed me, and who have shared their parents with me without restriction. I've been to their homes to celebrate adoptions and birthdays, and Thanksgiving; I'm allowed to love their babies; sister friends have wept with me during my deepest grief. . .and still my Heavenly Father says this is just a scratch upon the surface of the plans He has for me.
One of my favorite worship musicians recorded a spontaneous song about this very thing - he is himself an adopted child. This speaks to me in such deep places. Enjoy.
The Spirit of Adoption ~ Jason Upton
Breaking off rejection with the spirit of adoption
You're not alone
Breaking off rejection with the Spirit of adoption
I'll never leave you
My word is my promise
I sealed it with my blood
Faithful from generation to generation
I will never leave you
Be the children you were created to be
I'll never leave you
Be the very child you were created to be
I'll never leave you
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