Hiding

Tonight, I stood in a room with about 300 other people - my near best friend at my side. The music began to play, and the words didn't even matter. They became background for the message that was being poured into my wounded, aching heart. The darkened room offered anonymity while the pulse of the music matched the rhythm of the gasps my body refused to release.  Something came loose for me. . .

The last 30 days have been a practice in trusting Jesus in the midst of the storm. And my GOD what a storm it's been. The last seven days have had me swinging from anger to brokenhearted disappointment in mankind.

And then tonight. . .God uses a tattooed former junkie to get through it all, and to bring me back to the place of pure and unadulterated faith in the Man strolling on the water toward me.

Almost six years ago, I heard the same exact sermon. I didn't recognize it at first - mostly b/c of my own crap filling up the message with static. But then it connected, and my jaw literally hit the floor in front of me. Six years ago it was a salesman from P&G preaching it from a stage at the Danbury Theater. Six years ago, I heard it b/c the SUV I was driving for a friend needed some emergency some work and we couldn't get home right away like we'd wanted. Or so we thought anyway. LOL I know now that God has us in that place, at that time, for an earth shaking, life changing encounter. Six years ago, a man asked the question, "What's keeping you in the boat? When is the Man out on the water going to be more enticing to you than the people inside the boat?" His message wrecked me and I knew it was going to ruin my life. And it did - less than four months later I moved over 600 miles away, leaving behind my husband and children to finish school, pack house and follow me several months later. It was the hardest thing I'd ever done. And it was the smartest thing I'd ever done. For the first time in my life, I chose to climb out of the boat to pursue the Lover of my heart. . .no matter what the cost. I never looked back and I've never regretted that choice.

Tonight, a man stood on a stage and finished the first message. He told me that Jesus was passing by, and that my situation. . .my circumstances INSIDE the boat so moved Him that He chose to come and get in the boat with me. {slack jaw} The very same Lover of my soul who yearned for me to leave the boat behind and come dance on the water with Him was also the same One who was willing to climb in the boat with me and in doing so change all the circumstances of the storm that has been beating the hell out of me for a solid month. Did you catch that part? My circumstances moved Him - and His actions changed my situation. That doesn't mean I don't still have things I need to handle. . .but the direction with which I am handling them have changed exponentially. There's no longer a storm raging around me. The storm doesn't affect me as long as the One who controls the storm is in the boat with me.

Something is happening to this girl. I am understanding 2 Corinthians 4:8 & 9 with more clarity than ever before. How we can be pressed yet not crushed, persecuted and yet not abandoned is beyond human understanding and yet it is happening. I am indeed pressed on so many sides I feel like I'm a perpetual hug from hell some moments. But still - I'm not crushed. (Is this the best you've got, devil?) Persecuted - oh I could write a book on that alone right now. And yet, I've had more people rally around me in the midst of the persecution while those who have persecuted me are standing alone on rocky ground. And still I'm standing; stronger and with Jesus on my six.

I may stumble. Before it's over, it might get ugly. Or rather, uglier. It's ok because my Jesus can handle ugly much better than I can. I've no reason to hide with Him, but you can bet the farm I'll be hiding IN Him.