Most of you know that my life changed unbelievably on Jan 4th last year. It was the day I lost my father. . .who became my father when I was 15. There was never any "step" to it - he was simply the man that God chose to be the flesh evidence of Himself for me. My father married my mother b/c he loved my brother and me so much that his love for us led him to fall in love with her. That is an amazing demonstration of how much our heavenly Father loves us.
The year also brought other changes. I lost a whole family when my adoptive parents split up and their lives took different directions. I found myself holding on, desperately trying to hold the line God had shown me months before. I was determined to let love be my guide. . .and in doing so, I lost so very much.
The problem with being led by love is that love is an emotion, and while we can't (or shouldn't) control our emotions, we also shouldn't allow them to drive this crazy train that is life. The Word tells us we must take our hearts captive, and lead it. Since love comes from the heart of who we are, we should also be sure our love is being lead by the One who is love. I had allowed the genuine love that God had planted deep within me to wander; to lead me into places I wasn't called to go. It was an innocent misleading - something we're all guilty of. But my misleading took me into dark places, and the day came when I could no longer utter the words that had once been so life giving to me. I no longer felt worthy of love at all. I was an orphan; drowning in grief and misunderstanding and unable to pull myself out of the hole I was in. And still, love persevered. It flickered and it burned and it raged and it began to scream at me until finally I could hear what I had not heard for months - the voice of my Lord who loved me more than I could fathom. And His words, His love, His patience. . .it all came to a point of change when He said, "let Me help you, darling."
This would be a good ending - the wayward child who finally allows the Savior to help her. And I could easily end it here, but it's not the whole story nor the whole truth. So, I will be obedient and as Paul Harvey would say, tell you the rest of the story.
From Texas, help came. Help drove two days to get to me, took a single look at me and said, "pack a bag. We're going to get you some help." And so, in numbness I found a bag and emptied it and put some clothes in it. I got in the car and I wept as we drove to another city. We slept and the following morning I got in the car again, and I wept off and on for hours. I couldn't explain the weeping - but I believe our tears are anointing and that He sees every one and is moved by them. Help secured lodging for the week and before it was over with had fed me, medicated me, and loved me in every way that Christ loves us. Help handed me over to those with the experience and education to penetrate my darkness and begin to right the upside down-ness of my life. She worked eight hour days, and then spent her evenings listening as I poured out my soul all over her shoulders and her chest. She held me like a mother holds a wounded child. She rescued me from night terrors that wracked my sleep. Help came from another city and spent HOURS in ministry and counseling, having never seen me in such a place before.
I was broken beyond words. But God.
God awakened my sister in Texas who abandoned the care of cost and time and literally came to my rescue. God moved on the heart of my cousin Melanie who came to visit and found herself serving as a minister as well for hours and hours. Don and Patty created time and space to serve me, to care for my needs, and even to rescue me in the depth of darkness one night. I was overcome with the love of the Ransomed One who lived and breathed in each of them. And then I began to struggle, and to press in, and to fight. And when the time came to breathe again, I was breathing in new life. I had been reborn and it had literally taken a village.
The "coming back" experience has been unlike anything else life has every thrown at me . What I thought I knew I needed to do has evolved and changed. . . nearly weekly. What I understood about love has grown exponentially. My authenticity has become more with more people and I have sister friends now I couldn't have ever imagined spilling my secrets to. But they've proven themselves not only trustworthy, but also discerning. My sweet McGhee always knows when I'm off, and she reminds me to "suck it up" b/c by God I am a princess and oh yeah, a Magical Unicorn. There are women in my life who are life speakers; who challenge me; who don't hesitate to call me on my crap. I spend time with them weekly and the work is never easy but it is always WORTH it. Always. I am becoming who I was always meant to be; both more and less at the same time.
I still choose to die empty. But my God. . . .I so desperately want to live FULL.
Friday, August 11, 2017
Wednesday, February 18, 2015
Die Empty. Take Two
15 days.
It's been 15 days since I left my home; my husband and children and headed to Goshen, IN for this thing called "revival." I had no idea driving here what would be asked of me, or how much I'd have to give up to fully pursue the heart of God. And I'm realizing it isn't just a fullness in the pursuit of God's heart. . .but it is an absolute EXCLUSIVITY in the pursuit of His heart. It isn't enough that I am fully pursuing His heart. . .I am being called to only pursue it. And my God, my Holy God. . .what a pursuit.
Our first day on the ground here, we went out with a team to pray for people in the community. I expected rejection. I expected polite, "no thanks." I expected a little Bible beating too. What we encountered instead, was a community that was hungry for Jesus, and a team that was gentle and loving and giving in their witnessing of Jesus Christ. It blew me away. I've been a Christian for 25 years and I've never seen anything like this. And then, we moved into the worship service that night, which was also unlike anything I'd ever experienced and I've been around a bit in the worship circles. I was in pure delight as I watched what God was doing in those early days.
Fourteen days later, I am weary. And that's a good thing. It means I've been busy. . .I've been working. . .I've been fighting. . .and I've been all about my Father's business. We've been out in the community; we've been on special assignments; we've been in businesses; we've been homes; we've been in church; we've been ministering to the broken hearted; we've been interceding; we've been studying; we've been worshiping. . .and worshiping. . .and worshiping. (And eating - we've been eating just fine)
Were I to die tonight, I could honestly say I would die empty. I am so full of God's presence, but I'm also so empty of myself. There's so little of who I was when I got here, that I'm not sure I really know who I am today. I am not the same as I was on February 3. And I'm ok with that. I want to die as empty as possible. . .b/c I want all of Christ that is poured into me to be poured out. I see human emptiness every.single.day we're here. It's in the young people who are dealing with depression, peer pressure, addiction, eating disorders, abuse, and so much more. It's in the people who are coming without their families b/c they're more hungry for God than they are for peace with their spouses. I see it in the Amish who are risking everything to be with us, to worship with surrender and abandon. I am in awe of their faith and the cost they are paying to choose to follow Christ in this way.
I've been talking to friends and fellow ministers around the country and even around the world. I so want to see the people who've been petitioning God for DECADES for revival to, "Come & see." I get it - we all have responsibilities. Whether it's your job, your family, or your church, there are a dozen good reasons to not lay aside everything and travel to Indiana. But is there ONE good reason to lay it all aside and come and see? If you're reading this, consider this an invitation; not unlike the one Jesus issued to Andrew. Come and see. Come and see what is happening in a region that was dry and starving for revival and how 7 days turned into 52.
Come and see. . .and then die empty.
It's been 15 days since I left my home; my husband and children and headed to Goshen, IN for this thing called "revival." I had no idea driving here what would be asked of me, or how much I'd have to give up to fully pursue the heart of God. And I'm realizing it isn't just a fullness in the pursuit of God's heart. . .but it is an absolute EXCLUSIVITY in the pursuit of His heart. It isn't enough that I am fully pursuing His heart. . .I am being called to only pursue it. And my God, my Holy God. . .what a pursuit.
Our first day on the ground here, we went out with a team to pray for people in the community. I expected rejection. I expected polite, "no thanks." I expected a little Bible beating too. What we encountered instead, was a community that was hungry for Jesus, and a team that was gentle and loving and giving in their witnessing of Jesus Christ. It blew me away. I've been a Christian for 25 years and I've never seen anything like this. And then, we moved into the worship service that night, which was also unlike anything I'd ever experienced and I've been around a bit in the worship circles. I was in pure delight as I watched what God was doing in those early days.
Fourteen days later, I am weary. And that's a good thing. It means I've been busy. . .I've been working. . .I've been fighting. . .and I've been all about my Father's business. We've been out in the community; we've been on special assignments; we've been in businesses; we've been homes; we've been in church; we've been ministering to the broken hearted; we've been interceding; we've been studying; we've been worshiping. . .and worshiping. . .and worshiping. (And eating - we've been eating just fine)
Were I to die tonight, I could honestly say I would die empty. I am so full of God's presence, but I'm also so empty of myself. There's so little of who I was when I got here, that I'm not sure I really know who I am today. I am not the same as I was on February 3. And I'm ok with that. I want to die as empty as possible. . .b/c I want all of Christ that is poured into me to be poured out. I see human emptiness every.single.day we're here. It's in the young people who are dealing with depression, peer pressure, addiction, eating disorders, abuse, and so much more. It's in the people who are coming without their families b/c they're more hungry for God than they are for peace with their spouses. I see it in the Amish who are risking everything to be with us, to worship with surrender and abandon. I am in awe of their faith and the cost they are paying to choose to follow Christ in this way.
I've been talking to friends and fellow ministers around the country and even around the world. I so want to see the people who've been petitioning God for DECADES for revival to, "Come & see." I get it - we all have responsibilities. Whether it's your job, your family, or your church, there are a dozen good reasons to not lay aside everything and travel to Indiana. But is there ONE good reason to lay it all aside and come and see? If you're reading this, consider this an invitation; not unlike the one Jesus issued to Andrew. Come and see. Come and see what is happening in a region that was dry and starving for revival and how 7 days turned into 52.
Come and see. . .and then die empty.
Sunday, January 11, 2015
Die. Empty.
What does that mean? What is dying empty all about? I first heard this phrase years ago from a worship leader I have the utmost respect for, and even then I didn't really understand it. In recent years however, I'm coming to more fully grasp the concept.
Dying empty is about giving out of your portion, not your abundance.
It's about sharing life with the people around you - not just the ones you like or who are like you.
It's about the dollar you put in the homeless mans cup - not because you think he'll actually use it to buy something to eat, but because you heard the Holy Spirit urge you to do it.
It's about the boy in your neighborhood who looks like one of the thugs who beat your son and forever changed his life - but you invite him in to dinner anyway because you know that the love you possess can change his life.
Dying empty has to do with that mission trip that keeps niggling at the back of your mind.
It's the extra room you keep ready for the person you DONT KNOW who needs a place to sleep.
It's standing up and opening your mouth and worshiping God even when you don't feel something stirring inside of you simply because obedience is better than sacrifice.
Recently, I discovered a group of people who celebrated a portion of donations that were given to a particular ministry. Likewise, I know a group of people whose donations were never noticed, even though by comparison, they gave considerably more. They are the quiet ones who live in the shadows, never drawing attention to their actions, and never expecting anything more from their giving except to die empty.
I want to live in that camp - the life where once I'm gone, people will never talk about the things I owned or the abundance in which I lived, but rather will say, "She gave because she wanted to die empty."
Dying empty is about giving out of your portion, not your abundance.
It's about sharing life with the people around you - not just the ones you like or who are like you.
It's about the dollar you put in the homeless mans cup - not because you think he'll actually use it to buy something to eat, but because you heard the Holy Spirit urge you to do it.
It's about the boy in your neighborhood who looks like one of the thugs who beat your son and forever changed his life - but you invite him in to dinner anyway because you know that the love you possess can change his life.
Dying empty has to do with that mission trip that keeps niggling at the back of your mind.
It's the extra room you keep ready for the person you DONT KNOW who needs a place to sleep.
It's standing up and opening your mouth and worshiping God even when you don't feel something stirring inside of you simply because obedience is better than sacrifice.
Recently, I discovered a group of people who celebrated a portion of donations that were given to a particular ministry. Likewise, I know a group of people whose donations were never noticed, even though by comparison, they gave considerably more. They are the quiet ones who live in the shadows, never drawing attention to their actions, and never expecting anything more from their giving except to die empty.
I want to live in that camp - the life where once I'm gone, people will never talk about the things I owned or the abundance in which I lived, but rather will say, "She gave because she wanted to die empty."
Sunday, October 12, 2014
Hiding
Tonight, I stood in a room with about 300 other people - my near best friend at my side. The music began to play, and the words didn't even matter. They became background for the message that was being poured into my wounded, aching heart. The darkened room offered anonymity while the pulse of the music matched the rhythm of the gasps my body refused to release. Something came loose for me. . .
The last 30 days have been a practice in trusting Jesus in the midst of the storm. And my GOD what a storm it's been. The last seven days have had me swinging from anger to brokenhearted disappointment in mankind.
And then tonight. . .God uses a tattooed former junkie to get through it all, and to bring me back to the place of pure and unadulterated faith in the Man strolling on the water toward me.
Almost six years ago, I heard the same exact sermon. I didn't recognize it at first - mostly b/c of my own crap filling up the message with static. But then it connected, and my jaw literally hit the floor in front of me. Six years ago it was a salesman from P&G preaching it from a stage at the Danbury Theater. Six years ago, I heard it b/c the SUV I was driving for a friend needed some emergency some work and we couldn't get home right away like we'd wanted. Or so we thought anyway. LOL I know now that God has us in that place, at that time, for an earth shaking, life changing encounter. Six years ago, a man asked the question, "What's keeping you in the boat? When is the Man out on the water going to be more enticing to you than the people inside the boat?" His message wrecked me and I knew it was going to ruin my life. And it did - less than four months later I moved over 600 miles away, leaving behind my husband and children to finish school, pack house and follow me several months later. It was the hardest thing I'd ever done. And it was the smartest thing I'd ever done. For the first time in my life, I chose to climb out of the boat to pursue the Lover of my heart. . .no matter what the cost. I never looked back and I've never regretted that choice.
Tonight, a man stood on a stage and finished the first message. He told me that Jesus was passing by, and that my situation. . .my circumstances INSIDE the boat so moved Him that He chose to come and get in the boat with me. {slack jaw} The very same Lover of my soul who yearned for me to leave the boat behind and come dance on the water with Him was also the same One who was willing to climb in the boat with me and in doing so change all the circumstances of the storm that has been beating the hell out of me for a solid month. Did you catch that part? My circumstances moved Him - and His actions changed my situation. That doesn't mean I don't still have things I need to handle. . .but the direction with which I am handling them have changed exponentially. There's no longer a storm raging around me. The storm doesn't affect me as long as the One who controls the storm is in the boat with me.
Something is happening to this girl. I am understanding 2 Corinthians 4:8 & 9 with more clarity than ever before. How we can be pressed yet not crushed, persecuted and yet not abandoned is beyond human understanding and yet it is happening. I am indeed pressed on so many sides I feel like I'm a perpetual hug from hell some moments. But still - I'm not crushed. (Is this the best you've got, devil?) Persecuted - oh I could write a book on that alone right now. And yet, I've had more people rally around me in the midst of the persecution while those who have persecuted me are standing alone on rocky ground. And still I'm standing; stronger and with Jesus on my six.
I may stumble. Before it's over, it might get ugly. Or rather, uglier. It's ok because my Jesus can handle ugly much better than I can. I've no reason to hide with Him, but you can bet the farm I'll be hiding IN Him.
Thursday, October 25, 2012
Amazing Love (Grafted into the Vine series)
This series is especially difficult. I knew it would be. I knew it would challenge me and take me to places I didn't want to visit again. I knew God was going to stand me in front of the abandoned "homes" of my life and show me things I've strove to forget. This is one of those things - I've tried desperately to bury this. This is a piece I wrote for a woman who once held a position of extremely high esteem in my life. She loved me - and I loved her back b/c she taught me how to be loved, and in being loved, how to love.
I genuinely believe that until you are able to accept love, you struggle to love others. Not understanding the value of who you are, or that you are worthy of love simply because God says so is to find yourself living in a place of perpetual performance. The desire to be loved drives you to do rather than to simply be. This woman genuinely showed me my flaw in my loving of others, and she did it through loving me without condition. She loved openly, despite my filth, my seeping wounds, and the barbed wire personality I used to keep people at bay. She dove in fully, and through her God fully revealed the value of being loved.
I genuinely believe that until you are able to accept love, you struggle to love others. Not understanding the value of who you are, or that you are worthy of love simply because God says so is to find yourself living in a place of perpetual performance. The desire to be loved drives you to do rather than to simply be. This woman genuinely showed me my flaw in my loving of others, and she did it through loving me without condition. She loved openly, despite my filth, my seeping wounds, and the barbed wire personality I used to keep people at bay. She dove in fully, and through her God fully revealed the value of being loved.
When she betrayed me, when her love was absent and left a void inside of me, when it broke my heart, I quit writing with God. I turned instead to blogs, and turned away from the submitted pen that my life had been in God's hands. I refused to write creatively again - because this wounding had been so severe, so amputating and so destroying to me.
In revisiting this piece, God showed me some things. Yes, the wounding was terrible. Yes, I had good reasons for putting up walls while He continued to expand my tent. Yes, I was completely validated in being too hurt to trust so soon again. But we are moving past that place, and He's been the one on the waiting end this time. This isn't a new piece. . .but just like the very character of God, He has redeemed it. I doubt I will ever read it and not think of her, but with the simple change of a capital letter, God has redeemed love for me yet again.
We all have places that are absent of the light of Love. What is the breaking point? When does the crack get so big that the light it lets in makes the pain of being seen worth it? Don Williams wrote this about the painful cracks and breaks we endure. . ."That's how the Light gets in."
This is how Love got in for me.
This is how Love got in for me.
Amazing Love
I’ve stood before here in this place
where light is strangled in blackness that is night
Where broken heart and tortured soul find rhyme to the chaos inside
Here on my nakedness You see my shame,
my sin,
my living death indeed
And yet before barely I whisper “let me go” You’ve wrapped round me your arms,
neglecting that filth
which brought me here
Blazing eyes with love within seeing that which I want to hide
You find in me what’s real
Here is where you have spoken life into my living death. . .
. . .where freedom frantically launches flight and batters broken wings against prison bars
You’ve stood me here in naked splendor/shame to face which has been hidden
in front of me
My eyes worn soft with longing
a heart daring to truly live
You’ve captured and now hold in your hands
And I see which was the purpose
Love, amazing Love
Thursday, October 4, 2012
Grafted into the Vine (Part 1)
For the last several months, I've been dealing with my own issues of belonging. I am in many ways an "orphan" and in some very different ways absolutely not an orphan. My father (whoever he is actually is) is absent in my life, and my mother has done her damned level best to isolate me from people who actually love(d) me, as well as hammer home the belief that I don't deserve that love. I've spent much of my adult life in "survivor" mode - trying to learn what healthy relationships actually look like, and how to have them.
I am such a lucky woman to have been married to such a good and patient man for nearly 18 years. But despite the commonly held mis-belief, our spouses aren't all we need. I find that people who make such broad statements are the ones who have other, healthy relationships, as well as a good foundation for relationship from their parent, and thus they really don't have a measurement for such a statement. People were created for relationship - God said so in the very beginning.
Specifically, I'm drawn to a concept some fringe Christians refer to as a "spirit of adoption." In the simplest definition, this is a heart condition. A person finds themselves so attuned to the adoptive nature of God the Father that they themselves enter into a covenant relationship with people who share no genetic relation. It's a radical notion. . .and one that isn't well understood by many. There are varying degrees of this mindset - everything from the inclusion of non birth children in family events to the people who actually legally adopt the "kids" they've invested their love into.
People might wonder why an adult would want to have a "new" or "spiritual" parental relationship with someone. The reasons can be varied, but the root is pretty much the same across the board. It's b/c something was lacking during the formative years. The sense of not belonging to is unimaginable to most people - unless you're that person. Not having an identity can cause you to develop multiple identities - none of which are the real you. Not experiencing the unconditional love of a parent creates serious issues when you become one yourself. When you are chosen by someone. . .when who you are is finally good enough. . .when no matter what you do, they love you anyway. . .it doesn't matter what your age, those experiences are so incredibly life giving.
Reading about the love of Jonathan and David, as well as John and Jesus and later John and Mary, I'm reminded that God's plan for salvation and redemption is underwritten by a foundation of adoption. We are grafted into Him - born separate, and at the time of our choosing, the Vine Husband (God) carefully cuts away and exposes our growth centers, and grafts us into Him. There's never been any other way. . .and in fact we are considered to be joint heirs by Jesus Himself, not only by the Father. Jesus - the Son who has no problem sharing His inheritance or His sonship with someone like me.
Blessed doesn't begin to describe the incredible experience I've had over the last couple of years with my spiritual family. I am blown away by the generosity of the real kids who have welcomed me, and who have shared their parents with me without restriction. I've been to their homes to celebrate adoptions and birthdays, and Thanksgiving; I'm allowed to love their babies; sister friends have wept with me during my deepest grief. . .and still my Heavenly Father says this is just a scratch upon the surface of the plans He has for me.
One of my favorite worship musicians recorded a spontaneous song about this very thing - he is himself an adopted child. This speaks to me in such deep places. Enjoy.
The Spirit of Adoption ~ Jason Upton
Breaking off rejection with the spirit of adoption
You're not alone
Breaking off rejection with the Spirit of adoption
I'll never leave you
My word is my promise
I sealed it with my blood
Faithful from generation to generation
I will never leave you
Be the children you were created to be
I'll never leave you
Be the very child you were created to be
I'll never leave you
I am such a lucky woman to have been married to such a good and patient man for nearly 18 years. But despite the commonly held mis-belief, our spouses aren't all we need. I find that people who make such broad statements are the ones who have other, healthy relationships, as well as a good foundation for relationship from their parent, and thus they really don't have a measurement for such a statement. People were created for relationship - God said so in the very beginning.
Specifically, I'm drawn to a concept some fringe Christians refer to as a "spirit of adoption." In the simplest definition, this is a heart condition. A person finds themselves so attuned to the adoptive nature of God the Father that they themselves enter into a covenant relationship with people who share no genetic relation. It's a radical notion. . .and one that isn't well understood by many. There are varying degrees of this mindset - everything from the inclusion of non birth children in family events to the people who actually legally adopt the "kids" they've invested their love into.
People might wonder why an adult would want to have a "new" or "spiritual" parental relationship with someone. The reasons can be varied, but the root is pretty much the same across the board. It's b/c something was lacking during the formative years. The sense of not belonging to is unimaginable to most people - unless you're that person. Not having an identity can cause you to develop multiple identities - none of which are the real you. Not experiencing the unconditional love of a parent creates serious issues when you become one yourself. When you are chosen by someone. . .when who you are is finally good enough. . .when no matter what you do, they love you anyway. . .it doesn't matter what your age, those experiences are so incredibly life giving.
Reading about the love of Jonathan and David, as well as John and Jesus and later John and Mary, I'm reminded that God's plan for salvation and redemption is underwritten by a foundation of adoption. We are grafted into Him - born separate, and at the time of our choosing, the Vine Husband (God) carefully cuts away and exposes our growth centers, and grafts us into Him. There's never been any other way. . .and in fact we are considered to be joint heirs by Jesus Himself, not only by the Father. Jesus - the Son who has no problem sharing His inheritance or His sonship with someone like me.
Blessed doesn't begin to describe the incredible experience I've had over the last couple of years with my spiritual family. I am blown away by the generosity of the real kids who have welcomed me, and who have shared their parents with me without restriction. I've been to their homes to celebrate adoptions and birthdays, and Thanksgiving; I'm allowed to love their babies; sister friends have wept with me during my deepest grief. . .and still my Heavenly Father says this is just a scratch upon the surface of the plans He has for me.
One of my favorite worship musicians recorded a spontaneous song about this very thing - he is himself an adopted child. This speaks to me in such deep places. Enjoy.
The Spirit of Adoption ~ Jason Upton
Breaking off rejection with the spirit of adoption
You're not alone
Breaking off rejection with the Spirit of adoption
I'll never leave you
My word is my promise
I sealed it with my blood
Faithful from generation to generation
I will never leave you
Be the children you were created to be
I'll never leave you
Be the very child you were created to be
I'll never leave you
Monday, September 24, 2012
Grace without chains. . .
In recent interactions with a number of people, I've had my grace challenged. It's rather amusing, b/c in one week, I had two different people claiming that I operated in far too much grace, and another saying he wasn't seeing the usual grace in which I lived my life. As I said, amusing.
The former person made this statement about grace, and it was exceptionally profound to me in a number of ways. He asked the question about "easybelievism" and made a rather broad statement about believing that grace covers un-repented sin.
In the midst of all the grace bashing, I've had the opportunity to come face to face with some folks who I never imagined I'd speak to again. They had a hand in running me out of my church, and hurting my heart. They betrayed my trust in them, and in Christians in general. I'd gone to great lengths to avoid them, but God in His infinite wisdom (thankfully not listening to my minor rants and whining) kept bringing me back to a place where I had to encounter these people. I couldn't continue to live my "justified life" in the safety of "yes but God they did wrong." Because I am every bit the sinner that they are. Romans 12:3 There is nothing that separates me from them in God's eyes. . .nothing. We are His - not our own. Even though He gives us the freedom to make our own pitiful choices, we are still His.
I chose grace. Let me repeat that in case you didn't hear it the first time - I. CHOSE. GRACE.
And I've chosen grace many times in my life. Grace that was undeserved was often given. Freely given in fact, without expectation of restitution. The very definition of grace is "free" and "unmerited" favor of God. In my desire to be more like the One who has given me an abundance of undeserved, free, and unmerited grace, I extended it to those just.like.me. Hebrews 13:9
The reality is this - we live in a world where people are dying for grace. And it's a shame, b/c Jesus already died for it. Galatians 2:21 We spend our days justifying our worthiness of the very grace we refuse to give to others. Jesus never commanded us to measure whether or not another is worthy of grace. He told us, "Give as you've been given. Forgive as you want your Father to forgive you. He told us to be cautious in our judgments, b/c the way we judge others is how God will judge us. We're told to consider the least of these. . .and instead of daring to stand next to them, and take their hand and walk with them to a place of grace,(Hebrews 4:16) too many Christians are measuring the lost against their own self righteousness. I Peter 5:5 The righteousness of Christ was found when He let a whore wash His feet. The righteousness of Christ was seen when spat in the dirt and opened blind eyes. It came to be known when He chastised the disciples for hassling Mary. It was seen when He tongue whipped the Pharisee's for their judgment of the appearance of others.
Grace is not a license to sin. Romans 6:15 Don't misunderstand this point. Grace doesn't mean you get to go out and act like Dexter and God's cool with that. Because He isn't. But it does mean that your forgiveness ticket is pretty much guaranteed. Oooo I can hear ya'll now. . .that's a dangerous statement to make. But it's true. The word tell us that nothing can separate us from the love of God, that His grace is sufficient for us. His grace is sufficient - meaning adequate for the purpose. God's grace is beyond adequate - each one of us is walking, talking proof of that.
So where does that leave us? Should a Christian be allowed to live any old way they want? In a word, yup. That's the beauty and ugliness of free will. Should we as Christ followers want to live in a way that isn't glorifying to God? Absolutely not. But the glory of God is found for each person in their own walk with Him. Titus 3:7 It isn't to be defined and accosted onto others just b/c we don't like certain behaviors or actions. For instance, my faith was brought into question b/c I have a drink every once in a while. I don't get a drunk. I don't dance on tables. I don't get belligerent. I just enjoy a nice cold one watching the ball game, or a glass of wine on a date, or even a mixed drink to wind down after a long day. Jesus has no problem with the consumption of wine - in fact, His first documented miracle was turning barrels and barrels of water into wine for a wedding. (Hate to bust the Baptist bubble, but it wasn't Welches) He does however, have a problem if I consume so much that I can't function as a wife, mother, or the daughter He's called me to be. So I know my limit, and I am careful to walk in the place of being submitted to Him even in having a drink. Some people would criticize those who consume alcohol, and judge them harshly when they themselves stumble at the all you can eat buffet. (weyullll)
My point is, anything can ibecome a sin if you let it. Including the way you act at church. Just b/c you're there every time the lock snaps back into the door doesn't make you more deserving of Grace or Forgiveness or more righteous than the woman who only comes once a month b/c she's working to keep food on the table and the electricity on in her home. But I doubt very seriously she judgesi others as harshly as she's judged by those who are supposed to bring the good news to her.
And that another thing (while I'm at it) - why is it that the "church" expects people to come to them. Just about every message Jesus ever shared about witnessing to people He told them to "go." He didn't say, "Build a program and they'll come ya'll." He said, "get off your butt, get out there, go get them, and tell them I love them." Never did he say, "Keep inside these walls boys, that world out there ain't worth it." He routinely fellow-shipped with the scourge of society. The great commission wasn't about "staying" it was about "going."
I'll leave ya'll with this - be awfully careful in your judgment of others. You don't always know the path they've walked, or the place they're in with Jesus. He warned quite explicitly about causing His beloved ones to stumble. You don't want to find yourself in a place of knowing your actions turned someone away from His saving grace. Ephesians 2:8-9
So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience; bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you. - Col 3:12-13
The former person made this statement about grace, and it was exceptionally profound to me in a number of ways. He asked the question about "easybelievism" and made a rather broad statement about believing that grace covers un-repented sin.
In the midst of all the grace bashing, I've had the opportunity to come face to face with some folks who I never imagined I'd speak to again. They had a hand in running me out of my church, and hurting my heart. They betrayed my trust in them, and in Christians in general. I'd gone to great lengths to avoid them, but God in His infinite wisdom (thankfully not listening to my minor rants and whining) kept bringing me back to a place where I had to encounter these people. I couldn't continue to live my "justified life" in the safety of "yes but God they did wrong." Because I am every bit the sinner that they are. Romans 12:3 There is nothing that separates me from them in God's eyes. . .nothing. We are His - not our own. Even though He gives us the freedom to make our own pitiful choices, we are still His.
I chose grace. Let me repeat that in case you didn't hear it the first time - I. CHOSE. GRACE.
And I've chosen grace many times in my life. Grace that was undeserved was often given. Freely given in fact, without expectation of restitution. The very definition of grace is "free" and "unmerited" favor of God. In my desire to be more like the One who has given me an abundance of undeserved, free, and unmerited grace, I extended it to those just.like.me. Hebrews 13:9
The reality is this - we live in a world where people are dying for grace. And it's a shame, b/c Jesus already died for it. Galatians 2:21 We spend our days justifying our worthiness of the very grace we refuse to give to others. Jesus never commanded us to measure whether or not another is worthy of grace. He told us, "Give as you've been given. Forgive as you want your Father to forgive you. He told us to be cautious in our judgments, b/c the way we judge others is how God will judge us. We're told to consider the least of these. . .and instead of daring to stand next to them, and take their hand and walk with them to a place of grace,(Hebrews 4:16) too many Christians are measuring the lost against their own self righteousness. I Peter 5:5 The righteousness of Christ was found when He let a whore wash His feet. The righteousness of Christ was seen when spat in the dirt and opened blind eyes. It came to be known when He chastised the disciples for hassling Mary. It was seen when He tongue whipped the Pharisee's for their judgment of the appearance of others.
Grace is not a license to sin. Romans 6:15 Don't misunderstand this point. Grace doesn't mean you get to go out and act like Dexter and God's cool with that. Because He isn't. But it does mean that your forgiveness ticket is pretty much guaranteed. Oooo I can hear ya'll now. . .that's a dangerous statement to make. But it's true. The word tell us that nothing can separate us from the love of God, that His grace is sufficient for us. His grace is sufficient - meaning adequate for the purpose. God's grace is beyond adequate - each one of us is walking, talking proof of that.
So where does that leave us? Should a Christian be allowed to live any old way they want? In a word, yup. That's the beauty and ugliness of free will. Should we as Christ followers want to live in a way that isn't glorifying to God? Absolutely not. But the glory of God is found for each person in their own walk with Him. Titus 3:7 It isn't to be defined and accosted onto others just b/c we don't like certain behaviors or actions. For instance, my faith was brought into question b/c I have a drink every once in a while. I don't get a drunk. I don't dance on tables. I don't get belligerent. I just enjoy a nice cold one watching the ball game, or a glass of wine on a date, or even a mixed drink to wind down after a long day. Jesus has no problem with the consumption of wine - in fact, His first documented miracle was turning barrels and barrels of water into wine for a wedding. (Hate to bust the Baptist bubble, but it wasn't Welches) He does however, have a problem if I consume so much that I can't function as a wife, mother, or the daughter He's called me to be. So I know my limit, and I am careful to walk in the place of being submitted to Him even in having a drink. Some people would criticize those who consume alcohol, and judge them harshly when they themselves stumble at the all you can eat buffet. (weyullll)
My point is, anything can ibecome a sin if you let it. Including the way you act at church. Just b/c you're there every time the lock snaps back into the door doesn't make you more deserving of Grace or Forgiveness or more righteous than the woman who only comes once a month b/c she's working to keep food on the table and the electricity on in her home. But I doubt very seriously she judgesi others as harshly as she's judged by those who are supposed to bring the good news to her.
And that another thing (while I'm at it) - why is it that the "church" expects people to come to them. Just about every message Jesus ever shared about witnessing to people He told them to "go." He didn't say, "Build a program and they'll come ya'll." He said, "get off your butt, get out there, go get them, and tell them I love them." Never did he say, "Keep inside these walls boys, that world out there ain't worth it." He routinely fellow-shipped with the scourge of society. The great commission wasn't about "staying" it was about "going."
I'll leave ya'll with this - be awfully careful in your judgment of others. You don't always know the path they've walked, or the place they're in with Jesus. He warned quite explicitly about causing His beloved ones to stumble. You don't want to find yourself in a place of knowing your actions turned someone away from His saving grace. Ephesians 2:8-9
So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience; bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you. - Col 3:12-13
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