Pregnant - whoa

Last week, I sat in my doctors office as he gave me the news about my test results. I was indeed "iron deficient" but it is apparently the "self resolving" sort. It takes about nine months to resolve. Ha!  I sat there on that table covered in crunchy paper and sort of looked past him as my mouth formed the words, "Whaaaat?"  To my credit, I did  not ask, "How did that happen?"

So here I am, 36 and pregnant. Paul is 40. My "baby" is 11, and my son will be out of high school and onto college or the military before this little one makes it to kindergarten. My life is about to RADICALLY change. . .but even in the midst of chaos, my spirit feels at peace.

That's no small thing in an of itself, peace that is. You see, we lost a baby two years ago in April. It happened suddenly, and was the precursor for six months of utter chaos and the sense that God had kind of turned His attention elsewhere. There was no peace - it was just grief and pain and loss. We survived the year, and were happy to finally put it behind us.

This time things are different and while I can't quite put my finger on WHY they're different, I simply know that they are. There is that peace - that sense that everything is ok even though really there's a lot of risk to be considered. I have medical issues that complicate a pregnancy and birth, and frankly, we're a lot older than we'd planned to be when it comes to doing diapers and middle of the night feedings. But the One who is the giver of life has all of this under control.

My doctor told me something profound as I was gathering myself last Wednesday. He said, "Life finds a way." That stuck with me - that two tiny cells, from two completely different people, could create "life" is absurd. That those same cells, in that same situation with a Creator of love could create life is wholly agreeable.

We are the people who choose life; in our spiritual beliefs, political stands, etc. We. Choose. Life.  Period. And so its in making that choice that we embrace this life, for however long God sees fit to make us the parents of this baby. We are hoping and believing that's a long time, but if it's only several weeks, we still choose life.  Because He chose us first. . .